When is the rainy day ?

All through my growing up years I heard my parents, teachers and sensible friends say ' Save up for the rainy day', they used this phrase with respect to money, we start imbibing this idea that we should save for later at a very young age, we give our kids piggy banks so they learn the concept of saving, we have college funds set up as soon as the child is born, though this is a great practice, I wonder if this concept of "Saving" for the future trickles into other aspects of our lives as well.

We are so focused on saving up for that one illusive day in future that we don't pay our present much attention. I always wanted work very hard and make a lot of money so one day I can give my parents the life they deserved, a luxurious life with no worries, I had seen my mom make lists, she always had to make lists of what we wanted and then both my mom and dad would sit and budget our monthly expenses, I wanted them to see days where they didn't have to keep a tab on every penny they spent, where we had enough to go out and have a good meal without having to worry if we had out stretched our monthly entertainment allowance, let me be clear my parents never let my brother or me ever feel like they were under stress, we always got the latest gadgets and the nicest cloths, we never noticed that dad or mom didn't buy a whole lot for themselves, their primary focus was to earn, save and make sure we their kids have a secure future, they worked and SAVED for the rainy day.

My dad was an excellent 'Saver' it was only after he left us we realised how hard he had worked all his life to make our lives secure, he saved up his hopes, wishes and hobbies so one day when his kids were independent and successful he would have the time to pursue his dreams. It all seemed like a perfect plan because my brother and I were on the road to being successful, I got a job offer while I was still in college, and my brother was pursuing his masters in a prestigious college abroad. Just when the theory of Saving was going to be true, life disclosed its plan, my dad fell ill , most of his savings got washed away in hospital bills, medications, bribes to get to good treatment. I wondered if this was the rainy day he was saving for, it definitely came handy, it supported his unstable family after he left, but was it worth it, was it worth not living a full happy life just so that you save money for future, the amazing man that he was he would have said yes, it was worth seeing that he didn't leave his family to fend for themselves, he ensured that long after he left his wife and kids they were taken care of, it seemed like the rainy days that he planned for were days that followed his death.

During the same phase when my dad was saving up for us, I was saving up for him, it wasn't money, mine were emotions,thoughts and time. It was my dream that when his rainy days come I will be there for him, provide him a comfortable life, let him pursue his dreams, travel the world and see the man of my life live his life to the fullest, I obviously didn't share these thoughts with him as I was busy saving all the mushy talks for when we had time, sometime in the future.So when he suddenly passed away, all my savings went down the drain, I remembered days I could have spent with him and I didnt because I thought in future we will have a lot of days together where we can talk and catch up, what with he being a retired successful dad and me being a hardworking 'I got it all covered' daughter. None of my plans for the rainy day realised the way they should have.

This brings me back to my point, When and what is the rainy day that we are asked to save up for ? In case of my dad was it his death, and making sure his family was ok after he left ? or in my case the rainy day I was preparing for never came. Either ways was it worth saving, I believe it wasn't, we spend so much time working and planning our future, when we have no clue what the future holds for us, we should stop saving for the rainy day and start investing in today, be it money or love or time, tell you folks you love them today, learn that instrument you have always wanted to learn, buy that house that you dream of living in, Do all that today and work hard to keep it. Spend your time working to repay for your dream rather than working to buy a dream one fine day.Talk to people and tell them how amazing they are today, there is no better time than today.. than now.

Live a little and stop looking for the rainy day.

Is this love!!

Not so long ago on a Tuesday morning, V and I were getting ready to head out to the clinic, it was 2 days after our due date and both of us were worried, the date we had looked forward to,  for 9 months had come and gone, we hadn't gotten to see our baby in a long time, no 3D scans, no ultrasounds in almost 20 weeks ( yes we start to count in weeks once we get pregnant), the last scan we had, our son had coyly closed his face with his tiny palms and didn't want us to disturb him.   We were eager to see him to hold this miracle in our arms and feel like parents. Feel unconditional love for this new person in our life who is truly our own.

 After 30 hrs( and yes we count in hrs when in labor) and a lightening fast operation our baby was out, there was a mini celebration in the OT, there were talks about how handsome the baby was, and how much hair he had, V ran up to the table and started screaming like a teenager , he kept saying Oh My Goddddd... I on the contrary could not see a thing, the anticipation was killing me, I was waiting for that BIG moment when I ll hold my baby and look in his eyes and feel like a MOM, I wanted to cry and laugh at the same time, marvel at our creation and gods blessing, but I had to wait.. after I got mini updates from V about the baby's eyes, his nose blah blah blah, I finally saw him.. his tiny body bundled up in layers of blanket, his bunny eyes bright and wide open , a loving gaze that could melt a mountain... then it hit me.. I dint feel it... I dint feel like a MOM, I dint feel unconditional love.. I dint feel like crying.. I just dint feel it.

Back to the present, I LOVE my child, I love him with all my heart, Love being a MOM to him... I cry when he cries and  laugh when he laughs. I cant remember the time when he was not a part of my life. This got me thinking , what changed in the past few months, when do we fall in love ? when do we know this is love ?

Was it the sleepless nights or hazy days, was it when he cried and I felt helpless waiting for the cries to stop or the time I felt like total idiot for feeding him when he was sleepy and putting him to sleep when he was hungry. It was probably all of the above and more, it was that time in the darkness of the night when I heard him laugh for the very first time, it was that time when he patiently waited looking up at me when I struggled to feed him, it was at that time when I held him and he held me back, it was every day, every moment that he made me feel needed and wanted, it was then I realized how much I loved him, how much this tender soul needed me, it was during otherwise uneventful days that my son made me feel special, I knew it was love.

Love as I see it, is not how we feel about someone, simply put its about who we become around them.