Not so long ago on a Tuesday morning, V and I were getting ready to head out to the clinic, it was 2 days after our due date and both of us were worried, the date we had looked forward to, for 9 months had come and gone, we hadn't gotten to see our baby in a long time, no 3D scans, no ultrasounds in almost 20 weeks ( yes we start to count in weeks once we get pregnant), the last scan we had, our son had coyly closed his face with his tiny palms and didn't want us to disturb him. We were eager to see him to hold this miracle in our arms and feel like parents. Feel unconditional love for this new person in our life who is truly our own.
After 30 hrs( and yes we count in hrs when in labor) and a lightening fast operation our baby was out, there was a mini celebration in the OT, there were talks about how handsome the baby was, and how much hair he had, V ran up to the table and started screaming like a teenager , he kept saying Oh My Goddddd... I on the contrary could not see a thing, the anticipation was killing me, I was waiting for that BIG moment when I ll hold my baby and look in his eyes and feel like a MOM, I wanted to cry and laugh at the same time, marvel at our creation and gods blessing, but I had to wait.. after I got mini updates from V about the baby's eyes, his nose blah blah blah, I finally saw him.. his tiny body bundled up in layers of blanket, his bunny eyes bright and wide open , a loving gaze that could melt a mountain... then it hit me.. I dint feel it... I dint feel like a MOM, I dint feel unconditional love.. I dint feel like crying.. I just dint feel it.
Back to the present, I LOVE my child, I love him with all my heart, Love being a MOM to him... I cry when he cries and laugh when he laughs. I cant remember the time when he was not a part of my life. This got me thinking , what changed in the past few months, when do we fall in love ? when do we know this is love ?
Was it the sleepless nights or hazy days, was it when he cried and I felt helpless waiting for the cries to stop or the time I felt like total idiot for feeding him when he was sleepy and putting him to sleep when he was hungry. It was probably all of the above and more, it was that time in the darkness of the night when I heard him laugh for the very first time, it was that time when he patiently waited looking up at me when I struggled to feed him, it was at that time when I held him and he held me back, it was every day, every moment that he made me feel needed and wanted, it was then I realized how much I loved him, how much this tender soul needed me, it was during otherwise uneventful days that my son made me feel special, I knew it was love.
Love as I see it, is not how we feel about someone, simply put its about who we become around them.
After 30 hrs( and yes we count in hrs when in labor) and a lightening fast operation our baby was out, there was a mini celebration in the OT, there were talks about how handsome the baby was, and how much hair he had, V ran up to the table and started screaming like a teenager , he kept saying Oh My Goddddd... I on the contrary could not see a thing, the anticipation was killing me, I was waiting for that BIG moment when I ll hold my baby and look in his eyes and feel like a MOM, I wanted to cry and laugh at the same time, marvel at our creation and gods blessing, but I had to wait.. after I got mini updates from V about the baby's eyes, his nose blah blah blah, I finally saw him.. his tiny body bundled up in layers of blanket, his bunny eyes bright and wide open , a loving gaze that could melt a mountain... then it hit me.. I dint feel it... I dint feel like a MOM, I dint feel unconditional love.. I dint feel like crying.. I just dint feel it.
Back to the present, I LOVE my child, I love him with all my heart, Love being a MOM to him... I cry when he cries and laugh when he laughs. I cant remember the time when he was not a part of my life. This got me thinking , what changed in the past few months, when do we fall in love ? when do we know this is love ?
Was it the sleepless nights or hazy days, was it when he cried and I felt helpless waiting for the cries to stop or the time I felt like total idiot for feeding him when he was sleepy and putting him to sleep when he was hungry. It was probably all of the above and more, it was that time in the darkness of the night when I heard him laugh for the very first time, it was that time when he patiently waited looking up at me when I struggled to feed him, it was at that time when I held him and he held me back, it was every day, every moment that he made me feel needed and wanted, it was then I realized how much I loved him, how much this tender soul needed me, it was during otherwise uneventful days that my son made me feel special, I knew it was love.
Love as I see it, is not how we feel about someone, simply put its about who we become around them.
